


The art of shaving

by Multifandom_damnation



Category: Hellboy (2019)
Genre: Affectionate Insults, Banter, Canonical Character Death, Family Fluff, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Horn Shaving, Nail Polish, Post-Canon, Talking To Dead People, Team Bonding, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:08:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24869668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandom_damnation/pseuds/Multifandom_damnation
Summary: Since they had grown back in the St Pauls Catherdral and he had to rip his horns off with his bare hands, the ruined stumps were longer than normal, and it was taking him a few days to cut them shorter without actually damaging himself. He wasn’t the most patient person to ever grace the earth, and he was tempted to just cut them down to the numbs and leave it. It had been five days, and he still hadn’t made much headway, but today, despite them being not quite short enough, he was going to start filing them down, with or without his fathers help.
Relationships: Hellboy & Alice Monaghan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	The art of shaving

**Author's Note:**

> I finally watched Hellboy (2019) the other day and it was so good! I love it so much! I wish that we were getting a sequel though I know that's probably unlikely. But I love Alice! She's zany and fun and she punches ghosts! Also, the fact that when she saved him and brought him back to her place, they both knew EXACTLY what part of the book she was reciting, and he knew all the words, and he knew exactly who she was after that? Means that he saw her many times after she was taken by the Guragash, and probably read the book to her!! You know??? IDK, I just think that was sweet. I don't know, I hope you enjoy x

Since the M11 was decimated by Nimue, those who survived were transferred to the main B.P.R.D headquarters in the snowy mountains of nowhere Colorado while the fish-and-chip shop was being re-build and new agents were being assigned. It was odd having Daimio in the room next door. Alice had come too, partially because her apartment was destroyed when his dad had broken into to her home to ‘rescue’ him, and partially because he refused to go anywhere without her, and insisted that she be made an honorary member of the B.P.R.D and be given a room at the headquarters, and really, who was going to argue with him, the lord of hell and the king of England? 

His room was still exactly the same as it was before he was sent to be slaughtered by the Osirus Club and deal with their giant problem for them, which was a welcome comfort. One of the only ones he still had at in this wretched place. Esteban’s name was still painted in immaculate ink on the memorial board and now his father had a bust placed at the end of the hallway, behind glass and illuminated by a spot-light and with a bronze plaque embossed with overly kind and very flattering words. Hellboy didn’t like to look at it. The details of the sculpture were great, but some of the wrinkles on his forehead were missing and his beard was too neatly trimmed and they made him look younger without the heavy bags under his eyes and the faint sagging of his cheeks. Hellboy knew that they were trying to be flattering with his memory, a great man deserved a great memorial after all, but Hellboy couldn’t help but feel that it looked like an entirely different person. They got that stern, loving look in his eyes down pat, though. Hellboy couldn’t look directly into them, otherwise, he felt something tighten in his chest.

But now that he no longer had his dad to aid him, he had to do his own maintenance by himself, and it was much harder without someone there to check it over and file down any spots he missed. He stood in front of his bathroom mirror, hunched over the basin to get as close to his reflection as possible while he carefully used his hand-held saw to chip away at his horns. Since they had grown back in the St Pauls Catherdral and he had to rip them off with his bare hands, the ruined stumps were longer than normal, and it was taking him a few days to cut them shorter without actually damaging himself. He wasn’t the most patient person to ever grace the earth, and he was tempted to just cut them down to the numbs and leave it. It had been five days, and he still hadn’t made much headway, but today, despite them being not quite short enough, he was going to start filing them down whether he liked it or not. 

He was so involved with his stupid fucking horns that he didn’t notice the door to his bedroom open and close and someone creep up behind him and glace at his reflection over his shoulder. “What are you doing?”

“Fucking hell!” Hellboy spluttered as he spun around to see who was standing there, and when that didn’t work, he lifted his arm and glanced under it to see Alice standing there on her toes with a sly grin on her face. “You scared the shit out of me, kid. What the hell are you doing here?”

“I was bored,” Alice shrugged. “I was hanging out with Daimio but now he’s talking to some guy in a suit and it got too official all of a sudden so I’ve come to find you. What are you doing?”

“I’m filing down my horns,” Hellboy grunted as he put down the saw and picked up the file.

Frowning, Alice peered around him to look at it. “It looks like a cheese grater to me. What do you need to file ‘em for?”

Shrugging, Hellboy raised them to his forehead and began shaving away at the stumps. Alice made a face as she watched the red dust fall past his face dirty the basin. “You’ve got to shave them, or they’ll grow back. You saw what they looked like if you let them grow. Nobody wants that. I already look like the devil, the last thing I need is to add two scary horns to the mix.”

Alice watched his reflection in the mirror. “I don’t mind them, actually. Really puts the whole outfit together.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not most people,” Hellboy grumbled as he struggled to file the numbs. It was a precise art, and he wasn’t very good at it, so it was a lot harder than usual. “It’s a lot harder to do on my own though. Dad usually gave me a hand. It’s easier to miss parts when you can’t really see it.”

He hadn’t expected the silence that followed, and he turned around fully to face Alice, who was thinking quietly with an intense expression on her face. “Well, how about I make you a deal?”

Hellboy raised an eyebrow. “A deal?”

“Yeah, a deal,” That cocky, brazen smile was back on her face where it belonged. “I’ll help you file down your horns. If…” she said, and Hellboy waited in tight-lipped anticipation for the kicker. “You help me paint my nails.”

“Paint… your nails.” Hellboy couldn’t even believe what he was hearing. “Why?”

Alice shrugged. “Same reason as you. It’s hard to paint your nails by yourself, same as it’s hard to file your horns. I’m not too good on my other hand,” She grinned as she tugged on the waistband of his pants and lead him out of the bathroom and into the living-room/bedroom. She pushed him into the chair that rested beside the bathroom door, and he looked up at her, gobsmacked, as she took the file from his hands. “I’m not going to hurt you at all, am I?”

“Uh, no,” Hellboy said slowly as she nodded definitively as she tightened her grip on the handle of the tool. “Just so you know, I’m not much good at painting nails. Too small, and I’ve only got one hand.”

“You’ll figure it out. Practice makes perfect, after all. Now sit still,” Alice put one knee on the arm of the chair so she could reach his horns properly and began to slowly yet confidently chip away at the surface of his horns, tongue sticking out of her mouth as Hellboy watched red dust fall past his face to pile up on his lap. “So,” Alice said after a moment. “Did your old man ever teach you how to shave anything other than your horns? I don’t know like your beard, maybe? Or was he always into drastic bod-mod?”

Hellboy settled back against the seat as Alice began to find a rhythm. “I think the last real lesson he taught me before he died was that any man brave enough to hold a blade to his neck was courageous for not using it to slit his throat.”

“Wow,” Alice said after a pause. “That’s morbid. Were all your lessons so dark and depressing?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

They fell into a silence that started as stagnant but eventually felt conformable enough to become familiar in the way it did when she was younger. But when the thought became too much and the pressure began to eat at her from the inside, she had to break it. “I know you’re still pretty beaten up about your dad, but you can’t wallow in it. You of all people.”

“Why me of all people?” Hellboy’s voice sounded bitter. “How come it’s alright for everyone else to be upset about what happened to him but not me? He wasn’t even their fucking father, but he’s all I ever had. Why the hell aren’t I allowed to mourn?”

“Because everyone here looks up to you. And they need you to lead them for whatever the hell comes next,” Alice said like it was obvious. “And you’re no help while you’re wallowing in your own despair and pity. You’re useless like this.”

Hellboy paused. “Uh, they do?”

“Yeah, moron,” Alice scoffed as she flicked him between the eyes. “You’re the only son of the guy who ran this whole operation. Who else did you think these guys were going to look to for leadership? Me? Daimio? You’re Broom's son and a very capable agent. You’re the guy in charge now.”

The thought had never occurred to him, and now that it had, he was kind of reeling a little bit. “Oh.”

Alice couldn’t help but laugh at the look on his face, but she had a job to do, and she went right back to doing it. “I’ve been talking to him, you know. Not well, but I’m getting there. He’s only able to give me short messages at a time, and his voice is faint, but I can hear him. Sometime’s it’s single words or short phrases, but I’m convinced that if you give me a little more time, I’ll have him chatting away like he was always here.”

“Short phrases or words, huh?” Hellboy replied.

“Yeah. He actually wanted me to pass on a message for you.”

It felt like all the blood had rushed to his toes and his breath caught in his throat as he choked on the red dust still falling from his horns. There were so many things he wanted to ask. A message? For him? From his dead father? “What, uh-” He cleared his throat. “What did he say?”

The smile on Alice’s face made him pause. “‘Tell that godforsaken boy of mine to shave down his fucking horns’.”

Hellboy snorted. “Godforsaken, huh? I knew you didn’t want to help me to be nice.”

“To be fair,” Alice retorted. “I really do need to paint my nails, and I really was sick of following Daimio around the damn building for hours.”

“I didn’t think I was that boring,” said a new voice from the doorway, and they turned to see Ben standing there, arms crossed leaning against the wall. “What are you doing?”

“Helping me file down my horns, per my old man’s orders,” Hellboy greeted in response. 

Ben looked impressed. “So you managed to get ahold of him then? Well done. I’m surprised you’d done it so soon. Honestly, when you told me what you were trying to attempt, I wasn’t convinced you could achieve it at all.”

“Thanks for having faith in me, Daimio,” Alice retorted, not seeing the way he shrugged with her back to him. “But I’m hoping that by the end of the year, I can be able to speak to him like I can do mum and dad and all the other fucking ghosts who hover around me. Full sentences and all.”

“That’d be just fantastic,” Ben said, and there wasn’t an ounce of sarcasm or humour in his words, but there was one of those rare twinkles in his eye that only appeared once in a blue moon. “Then we could receive some actual leadership and get given propper orders. Unlike whatever the hell Red’s had us doing so far. I can’t cope with this sort of disarray and dysfunction.”

Hellboy barked out a laugh too harsh to be true and reached around Alice still half perched on his lap to waggle a finger at his grinning teammate, leaning against the door. “Very funny. You’re a joker, you know that? They don’t know you, Daimio, but beneath your cold, grizzly, frightening exterior, you’re really just a big softie who wants a hug and cries to musicals.”

“Maybe,” Ben said, expression unflinching. “But it’s a shame that I can’t say the same about you.”

Before Hellboy could respond with another scathing come back, Alice gripped him by the chin and yanked his head back into a better position. “Stop moving,” she grumbled. “I want to make this perfect.”

“Look at me,” Hellboy waved a hand at himself vaguely. “Does it look like anything about me is ‘perfect’?”

“No,” Ben said.

“So,” Hellboy ignored him. “There’s no reason for you to care about making my horns ‘perfect’. You’re wasting your time up there.”

“Yeah, well,” Alice had her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth. “You’re going to be painting my nails later, so I expect you to return the favour with all this effort and stuff.”

Hellboy blinked as if he had forgotten all about their deal. “Daimio,” he snapped his fingers to get the mans attention, and Daimio raised a silent eyebrow in answer. “You need to help me paint her nails. I’ve only got one hand.”

“Fuck that,” Daimio snorted. “I’m not walking around the rest of the week stinking of nail polish.”

“Stop being such a pansy,” Hellboy said. “Be useful for once in your life.”

“How about you try for once?”

“How about you stop being a prick?”

“How about you stop fucking moving!” Alice responded frustratedly, and their banter was only silenced by their laughter.


End file.
